Amor 77

"Y después de hacer todo lo que hacen, se levantan, se bañan, se entalcan, se perfuman, se peinan, se visten, y así progresivamente van volviendo a ser lo que no son." Julio Cortázar, Un tal Lucas

Despues de una sobredosis de Henry Miller y Charles Bukowski, lo unico que me pudo devolver el animo fue un poco de Cortázar.

Este fin de semana fue un poco lento, el viernes encuentros cercanos del tercer tipo con una costeñita, que no me gusta mucho pero siempre me recibe con una sonrisa en los labios. Mas tarde en mi casa dos chelas para enfriarme y atraer el justificado sueño. El sabado toda la tarde en el trabajo, a veces me siento como un bombero que tiene que responder al llamado de emergencia, mientras estaba allá aproveche y finalmente modifique mi blog para que aparezca en TOL (parece que mi necesidad de atención persiste). Despues estuve toda la noche en el centro de operaciones, reencontrando gente y buscando lo que no se me ha perdido, la dosis fue de 4 pilsen y 3 medias de ron además de los infaltables chistes y la gozada a los punkeros que parecian en un jamboree, me quede ahi hasta las 4, hora en que mi cuerpo se revelo y pidio un poquito de sueño.
Hoy domingo no hice nada, me desperte a las 10, busque algo de comida y mas nada, esta inactividad fue la que me impulso a una maraton de lectura de la que solo me pude retirar despues de leer dos cositas corticas de Cortázar.

still standing

"Still standing" is the way I feel right now, I'm not superman, not even Clark Kent. Is like the last pin standing in a bowling row, the people is trying to bring it down and somehow it is still standing balls pass nearby and still standing, is the same with me, problems pass me by and still standing, no matter how tired I feel, Still standing.

Movie of the week Choses Secrétes

primera vez

acabando 11, tenia 17 años y era virgen, el dia de los grados, rumba en la casa de un parcero (fredy despues te cuento mas de el), que vivia cerca a un cementerio
como siempre empezamos con tequila, seguimos con ron y terminamos con tres patadas, solo recuerdo que hubo un momento en que me sente en una silla porque supe que una vieja se iba a sentar ahi a conversar conmigo
y efectivamente la vieja se sento, no se que le dije o que me dijo ella, pero en esa silla empezamos, estaba todo tan agitado que mis amigos me tuvieron que sacar de la casa, porque la mama del dueño estaba escandalizada, primero en la acera, despues contra una reja y finalmente en la manga del cementerio
perdi mi virginidad en la manga de un cementerio, (prefiero no pensar en los significados que pueda tener eso), torpemente, por el alcohol, la incomodidad y la inexperiencia (mia al menos) me vine, levante la mirada y vi que por lo menos cuatro de mis "amigos" estaban viendo el super show que yo habia montado

The other side

I was born and grow in a dangerous neighborhood, and sometimes when I'm walking my faces is in rictus, is a mechanism of defense, if I look piss, other people won't dare to mess with me, is stupid I know.
I'm divided by two main pieces, one is the uncensored guy who post here more often, the other piece is my sensitive side, the one only a few people really knows. Initially the uncensored part was relegated in the dark, only seen the light when I get confident or a little drunk, but these has changed, now my sensitive side is the dark, and only see the light once in a while maybe with a tree full of yellow flowers or with a butterfly passing nearby.
For me, life is a quest to reconcile my pieces, try to keep me at edge of sanity.

parenthesis: why in the name of hell, I get erections in my work reading stupid mails, or the newspaper.

movie of the week

24 hour people enjoy

español

Estoy demasiado cansado para escribir en ingles, no quiero pensar, o sea que te puedes preparar para una dosis extra grande de diarrea mental.
confirmado mezclar bayleys con whisky puede ser muy divertido, hoy no quiero aburrirlos con mi busqueda de mujeres, ni con mis infortunios sexuales, no quiero ser existencial tampoco ligero, estoy mamado de intentar ser interesante, para divertir a mis congeneres, hoy estoy existencialista, pero no porque piense que mi vida es una mierda, mas bien porque estoy contento viviendo y por mas que me devane los sesos no encuentro razones para esta felicidad, estoy endeudado, trabajo como una bestia, estoy cansado fisica y sicologicamente y no tengo una mujer de verdad a mi lado (sorry por la alusión femenina) , quisiera dormir una semana, despertarme, follar varios dias seguidos y ver que pasa, durante muchos años he buscado mis limites en muchos campos, desde ver cuanto aguanto sin venirme, sin cagar, sin bañarme, sin dormir, y ya he encontrado varios, ya se que puedo estar sin bañarme indefinidamente, que sin cagar aguanto mas de una semana, sin dormir mas o menos cinco dias (despues del quinto todo es un poco borroso), si la vieja no me gusta el tiempo sin venirme depende mas de mi espalda que de mis guevas , si la vieja me gusta depende de mis guevas, no se porque extraña razón me gusta escribir en un solo parrafo, si cuando leo y me encuentro un parrafo gigante me da puteria, esto porque casi siempre leo de noche y si me da sueño en la mitad del parrafo se que al dia siguiente me voy a repetir un pedazo porque no me acuerdo en donde termine, volviendo al tema existencialista, siempre me he tirado el pajazo mental de que todo es sicologico, que esta haciendo frio (eso es sicologico), que tengo sueño (eso es sicologico) que estoy mamado (eso es sicologico), pero en los ultimos dias el pajazo, no me funciona, y lo peor juemadre es que de verdad me esta dando sueño, frio y cansancio, nunca me habia pasado una maricada de esas, y estoy un tris paniquiao de pensar que sea permanente, como el efecto sicologico ha desaparecido de mi corteza cerebral, termino acá, porque tengo sueño, frio, y estoy un tris prendo, por todo lo anterior, ChaU

The end and the mediums

My means are simple, they always are, my life is ruled by the occam razor, simplicity and practicability.
My personal quest for a girlfriend is fruitless for now, but I'll keep looking, yesterday I was talking with a girl about sex and the aproaches we take to the other sex, specially in a relationship, her aproach was to flirt first and to laid later, because she said was tired of plain sex and now enjoy more of the days when she gets to knows the other. My aproach is the other way, laid first know better the other later, these approaches seems so diferent but in the end we are in the same pursuit, find someone significant for the other, sex is a medium, and so is to get to know us better, and if one of these things fails we are again in the start line.

flowers

The city is full of flowers, since last week Medellín was in "Feria de las flores" . This was the longest weekend of the year, on friday I went to Santa Elena a town near the city to see how the farmers make their silletas, a silleta is a giant floral arrange (will post pictures later) that can get to weight 180 pounds, then the silleteros (the guys who carry the silleta in their back) go to a parade in downtown that last 3 hours, I don't have to say those guys are really strong, I were there from 8 PM friday til 8 AM saturday, I get home at 9am and slept a couple hours.
On saturday I spent the rest of the day at home, and go out like 9pm with a couple of friends. I was in my Operation Center, the poblado park, is a nice place to drink quietly, see some people and laught of the teenagers that think they are unique cause their hairdresses, I was there hoping to find a girl I hook up a weeks ago, but nope not a sign of her, so I concentrate my forces in the second bottle of rum, later like 1am come a girl I never met before she study history and in 10 minutes I was gettin piss for all the pseudo intellectual crap she was spitting like a chaingun, like 3 am we get bored there and head to the house of the psedointellectual girl, there we drink another bottle of rum like 4,30 I was really sleepy and say goodbay for good and again home 5am sunday, slept til noon and now my body is full of pain, this weekend was apart from sleepless pretty funny and sexually interesting, the history girl results being a lesbian with desiree of experiment, but by the time I noticed this I got a serius case of sleep disorder and the last thing in my mind was sex.

Cortazar

My favorite writer is Julio Cortazar, I like everything he wrote, specially a story that happens in a highway returning to Paris, when the traffic stops without explanation for months and the people in the cars must continue with their live, find food, establish relationships, take care of each other, and one day without previous advice the cars start moving and suddenly their life change again, all their friends, their new family its gone and then there's Paris.

I've read probably all his work, but his stories are outstandings.

PS. favorite movie of the week: The Virgin Suicides

I thought I'll never say this, but I want a girlfriend. So many weekends drinking and dancing and fucking, waking on Sunday at noon with hungry and a dry mouth, the pockets empty and feeling emptiness, like a hole somewhere between my chest and my chin, I used to think that friends will be enough, but now I think was wrong, so I'm looking again for love, but itsn't easy after a long time walking solo, don't know if my standards are higher or lower, but seems that nobody fits in, some are so childish, other like a sphinx without a secret, others seems ok for a while but then I notice the hairy lunar in her back or the voice or anything that at first look trivial an later becomes her, earlier last month I can almost say that I've found the one, but I wasn't the one for her. And now I´m back to the old good routine, beer, rum, dance, kiss, rum, beer, food, sex, sleep, dry mouth, empty pocket, emptiness. At first it seems like a virtuous circle, now I realize it's a vicious circle.
ChAu

i'm there

The place I live

Medellín is the place I live, and I'm a little tired of all the shitty things people around the world tell about it. I love my city and all its little town things.

But what the hell means "Erase una vez el amor pero tuve que matarlo", well something like "there was love upon a time, but I'd to kill it" its the title of a little and crazy book, about love.

it´s a slow day, sunny outside, frozen inside, things to do, sleepy for drink cheap wine yesterday, the higher point of the weekend came a day later, I feel like Lou reed perfect day, and nobody to thank for.